Platonic love - Wikipedia
A friend of mine and I were talking about platonic vs. non-platonic relationships, and I got to thinking about a "Platonic relationships" as the ideal relationship of. So the opposite of a platonic relationship is a romantic or sexual relationship. is clear intent that there is more going on that just a non-sexual relationship. The Difference Between Romantic Love And Platonic Love When you love someone romantically, your relationship is based on compromise.
Eventually, in time, with consequent steps up the ladder, the idea of beauty is eventually no longer connected with a body, but entirely united with Being itself. These two extremes of love are seen by the Greeks in terms of tragedy and comedy.
According to Diotima in her discussion with Socrates, for anyone to achieve the final rung in the Ladder of Love, they would essentially transcend the body and rise to immortality - gaining direct access to Being.
Such a form of love is impossible for a mortal to achieve.
not quite platonic - friends non-platonic sexual | Ask MetaFilter
This is the type of love, that, according to Socrates, is practiced by animals. The love described as the one practiced by those who are pregnant according to the soul, who partake of both the realm of beings and the realm of Being, who grasp Being indirectly, through the mediation of beings, would be a love that Socrates could practice.
One would be forever limited to beauty of the body, never being able to access the true essence of beauty. The offspring of true virtue would essentially lead to a mortal achieving immortality.
Later inMarsilio Ficino put forward a theory of neo-platonic love in which he defines love as a personal ability of an individual which guides their soul towards cosmic processes and lofty spiritual goals and heavenly ideas De Amore, Les Belles Lettres, The first use of the modern sense of platonic love is taken as an invention of Ficino in one of his letters. Though Plato's discussions of love originally centered on relationships which were sexual between members of the same sex, scholar Todd Reeser studies how the meaning of platonic love in Plato's original sense underwent a transformation during the Renaissanceleading to the contemporary sense of nonsexual heterosexual love.
It is derived from the concept in Plato's Symposium of the love of the idea of good which lies at the root of all virtue and truth. For a brief period, Platonic love was a fashionable subject at the English royal court, especially in the circle around Queen Henrietta Mariathe wife of King Charles I.
Platonic love was the theme of some of the courtly masques performed in the Caroline era —though the fashion soon waned under pressures of social and political change. Seven types of love[ edit ] Throughout these eras platonic love slowly was categorized into different subsections, which were: Eros is a sexual or passionate love, or a modern perspective of romantic love.
Philia is the type of love that is directed towards friendship or goodwill, often is met with mutual benefits that can also can be formed by companionship, dependability, and trust. Storge is the type of love that is found between parents and children, and this is often a unilateral love. Agape is the universal love, that can consist of the love for strangers, nature, or god.
Ludus is a playful and uncommitted love, this is focused for fun and sometimes as a conquest with no strings attached. Pragma is the type of love that is founded on duty and reason, and one's longer term interests.
Philautia is self-love and this can be healthy or unhealthy; which can be unhealthy if you are hubris if placed ahead of gods, and it can be healthy if its used to build self esteem and confidence.
These different forms of love can be mistaken as any of the listed different loves. There is a type of porosity that allows love to filter through one type and into the next, although for Plato love is to be of the beautiful and good things.
This is due to the ownership of beautiful and good things equates into happiness. And Cheating isn't just shitty. When you do shitty things, it absolutly wounds your "good soul". If he wants to mess around, he needs to break up with his girlfriend. If he doesn't- this harmful flirtatious relationship- that is stopping you from moving on- needs to end for a while. I would have a lot of trouble with someone who didn't actually say anything but kept asking me for hugs-with-intent.
So, if he wants you enough, he will walk away from his gf on his two feet. I'm not saying he's not interested.
There is, however, a bright line between "interested enough to be of any use to you" and "not interested enough to be of any use to you" and as long as he's with someone else, this guy is the latter. And as to that other part of your question, in a nutshell it is not inherently immoral to have feelings for an unavailable person provided you don't act on those feelings.
You can't help how you feel, but keep playing the numbers game to increase the odds you'll meet some guy who will sweep you off your feet. Force yourself to do dating activities a certain number of times a week, even if your heart isn't in it. You were an "almost" to this guy - that chubby girl who had such a crush on him.
He probably has not nurtured some kind of secret passion for you all along, or been secretly thinking "oh, if only she were prettier!
This is something where he's bored or thinking of breaking up, and you're right there in the relationship bank. One of the most difficult things for people - especially straight women, who are socialized to believe in capital-R romance- to accept is that if you cherish a long-term passion for someone and they're not initially interested, it's very, very unlikely that anything good will happen in the end.
You'll have invested all this love and energy and emotion into someone who almost certainly won't love you back; even if you do hook up, it's the culmination of years of longing for you and a sort of "eh, okay then" for the other person.
This is different from having a casual crush on someone over a long period and not knowing whether they are casually interested right back. It's the "long term passion" plus "other person definitely uninterested" piece that's a bad idea.
If he wanted something to happen with you, it seems that nothing's stopping him there either. But again, so far he's not doing either of those things. Attention feels good, it's not surprising that he's accepting so much of it from you. But if he knew how invested you were in the results, I bet he would back off.
Also, you're a safe person for him to string along and absorb attention from, because you're in another city. There are no consequences for him, and that makes people reckless with others' feelings.
Honestly, it seems like you're still infatuated with this guy, and your paranoia is just wishful thinking. You're really wasting your time and energy on this guy. He is definitely stringing you along. I think you need some closure on this relationship and here's how I'd do it -- man up as they say and come clean with your guy.
Say, "I really love hanging out with you and I enjoyed our last visit but I have to come out and say that I have feelings for you and I don't think it's right for us to hang out right now when you're in a relationship. It's too painful for me and last time I felt like I was getting some signals from you but I think you are committed to your girlfriend and it's all made me very uncomfortable. I'm going to keep my distance for awhile -- if you're ever interested in pursuing a relationship, call me when you're single.
But then write on a little piece of paper: Somewhere out there is the guy for you and you're keeping him waiting while you pine for the unavailable. Don't make that guy wait any longer and put yourself out there to find him and be found. I'm truly sorry -- these crushes are just the worst and the pain of unrequited love is a real sort of pain.
As they say, let it go Don't do this to yourself, please. You can completely stop flirting and avoid all physical contact, and thus put him firmly in the "platonic" zone. Or you can make him talk to you explicitly about his intentions, and what you both want out of each other. Don't dance around the awkward bits.
Ask him, "Are you trying to go somewhere with this? If not, he's just using you, or he's too immature to know what he's doing, and you should keep your distance. Ask him, "What are we even doing here? What is this all about? Don't get involved with him and his flirting until and unless he breaks up with his girlfriend. He's attracted to you. Maybe you and he would be a better fit than his existing relationship You're asking if you're in the wrong, but relationships are predicated on attraction, and again, you and he seem attracted to each other.
Rather than asking if you're in the wrong, you might ask something else: What do you want? If you're serious about all this flirting you're doing, then I'll wait until you're single and willing to ask me out like a gentleman. If you're not serious, then it needs to stop right now. Confirm that he's really single, ideally by checking with a mutual friend who you trust, and then, what the hell, why not go for it? Stay friends — that sort of respect and self-control is a rare and valuable thing.
Tell him to get the fuck out of your life and never come back. He rationalizes this because it's only over the phone. His creepy selfish side ego is starting to wonder if he can take it further since he's always known you are willing, and now you are hot. I posit this person is not your real friend OR the relationship is ok but terribly lopsided in his favor. You should feel indignant he used your honest and pure feelings to make up for the shortfall in his primary relationship all this time. You need to reframe how you see this fellow.
I don't think he is you think he is. Also, movies lie to us. Nice and Good people do NOT just end up in these sorts of predicaments. You don't want to go down this road any farther than you already have. The blame for the next steP will be yours, since guilt and blame aren't really his strong points. I don't see one single thing in there about things escalating in a "I want you to be my partner" way. Yeah, this isn't playful hinting, it's cowardliness.
He's trying to get you to initiate so he won't have to have it on his conscience. Let this dude go. No good can ever come of rhetorical questions like these. Because either you don't think you're an awful person--and refuse to recognize the very deliberate, aware oncoming car wreck! I'd guess that it's because--as many geeks turned pretty--you buy into a model of relationships with men where only one girl can ever win.
If you get this guy to cheat with you, it's not only rewarding because you get to have fun sexytimes, but because you win over his current girlfriend--you're better, prettier, more interesting.
And, more, you'll be proving that you're more interesting by having a morally questionable, exciting, high octane love affair behind her stupid, clueless back. But the truth is, this model is broken.Platonic vs Romantic Relationships - PDA (Hey Chris?)
You can't win here. Because the truth is, the loyal, suddenly-hot best friend doesn't win. If he wanted to be with you--that is, be in a committed relationship with you--he would have done that a long time ago. Or he would do it now, now that you're hot. He would show you that you're worthy by treating you like you're worthy. He's treating you like a plaything. He's showing that by not having you interact with his girlfriend an important component of his LIFEby literally playing games with you, by acting frivolously with your feelings he knows how you feel; you already told him.
The person who wins in these models isn't the other woman. And it's not the girl back home--the girl who is, all things considered, probably actually a decent person--either. The guy that gets all the benefits of having a relationship with someone he genuinely cares about, and gets to fuck you, too. You'll take your lumps, because it's as close as you can get to what you really want. But man, you really, really shouldn't stand for it.
Because his girlfriend deserves better than that, and you do, too. You deserve someone who takes your feelings seriously. You deserve so much better than this--and waiting around for him to give it to you is just going to make you do things that are, karmically, not-so-cool. And you know it. So yeah, you have the potential to be pretty damn horrible. Be better than that. Other people have said some very good things about this statement, but I want to analyze it a bit more.
Specifically, individual pieces of it. First, "oncoming car wreck. A car wreck happens so fast, when you have no time to get away.
If you did have time to stop it, you wouldn't have been in the wreck! You're phrasing your scenario as something outside your control. You see the wreck coming, but you're not in control of it.
This, again, is a way of making it sounds like you're not in control. If you are awful, then it's fully explained why you would participate in awful activities.
If you are awful, then you don't have the psychological and moral make-up needed to avoid those awful activities. By describing yourself as an "awful person" or at least accepting the possibility that you're an awful personyou're implying that your actions are not something that you can control, change.
So, in that one little sentence, you have twice implied that this is something out of your control.
Your whole question feels this way, to me. Reading your question, it feels as though you are a spectator to your relationship with this guy. The way you've described your situation, it's as if you're being swept away by the tide, moving with currents wholly beyond your control.
My question is, why? I don't really know the answer, but I read in your question a lot of stuff that sounds like things I've experienced.
So, here's my guess, based partly on what I've gone through. My guess is, when you were or at least felt unattractive, you internalized a lot of messages about what you deserved, especially from other people. Our world doesn't tell us 'unattractive' people deserve a whole lot. You treated yourself as less valuable than others, and you let others treat you the same way. You let your sense of identity, including your morals and values, shrink down to this tiny little pea-sized thing that could be dismissed or ignored, because that's the message you took in about what you were worth.
In short, you didn't learn how to respect yourself, where "yourself" is a thing with dimension, shape, and character. And now, you find yourself in a situation where one part of that undersized sense-of-self desire for someone who previously turned you down is in conflict with another part of it desire to not be in a 'relationship' as this one is shaping upand you don't know how to deal with it.
You look at your situation, you think, "This is an awful situation," and, without a strongly developed sense of your own values, wants and needs, you conclude, "I must be an awful person to be in this situation.