11 Ways To Make Your Long-Term Marriage Happier, Starting Today | HuffPost
and, therefore, vision of a healthy marriage or know what it takes to attain and sustain their heart's desire for this loving and lasting intimate relationship. what-makes-a-good-marriage-relationship page of Accord, who provide Marriage Preparation Courses as well as Marriage and Relationship Counselling. Although every couple's relationship dynamics are a little different, there are The following ten characteristics of a healthy marriage come from the respected.
While active listening seems like a good idea in theory, it almost never is practiced or works in real life settings, because if there is any negativity at all, the listener finds that hard to ignore and will usually react to it. The positive responses in these conflicts were from couples in relationships who used the gentler start-up.
So remember to keep your sense of humor, and be sensitive to your beloved! Present Issues as Situational Joint Problems. Instead of blaming your spouse for your feelings of irritability and disappointment in the relationship, express how you feel, but then identify your needs.
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Be gentle in this conversation. Focus on what he or she is doing right, and acknowledge that first. No one is perfect. This is actually a good thing! It helps us identify our areas of weakness beyond the shadow of a doubt, and remain humble through seeking correction.
Your goal in a relationship is not to avoid these conflict situations, or punish yourself when they happen, but rather process the damage done and make repair. This point of repair is so crucial. Saying sorry alone is never enough.
Work with your spouse in identifying those areas where you strayed, apologize for those specifics, and ask what you can do to make it up to them. I teach my daughters that for every offense they commit to one another, they must actively seek three to five good things to do in reparation for them.
Repairs also help maintain the positive balance in the relationship. Remaining Physiologically Calm During Conflict. Once adrenaline is flooding our bodies, we are rendered incapable of empathetic conversation. Learn techniques and skills to self-soothe. When you sense your temper rising, either take a break, or interject with some humor. Stop the negativity in its tracks.
11 Ways To Make Your Long-Term Marriage Happier, Starting Today
These skills will not only help you in your marriage, but they will help you as a parent when you teach your children positive methods of self-soothing. Put away the jumper cables yourself. In life, there are big things and there are little things. The big things -- draining the bank accounts to support a gambling habit, forgetting to mention that he's in the federal witness relocation program living under a false identity or that he has a second family stashed in Queens -- are of course one-way streets to divorce court.
But most of us don't have problems of that magnitude. Most of us have problems that are more like petty and repeated annoyances, which when fed the steroids of resentment and anger, balloon up like Arnold Schwarzenegger. And we all know what steroids did to his heartright? Most of our problems start out small enough -- he borrows the jumper cables from your car and then leaves them sitting in the driveway just waiting to get run over -- and from that sprouts a giant festering sore.
It leads you to utter words like, "If you loved me you would have put the jumper cables back in my car so that when I get stuck in a bad neighborhood with a dead battery I could save myself," which, in my household, generally results in a reply like "When do you ever drive in bad neighborhoods?
For a happier marriage, address them right away and keep it simple. Sometimes the best way to address a problem is to just walk away from it -- as in seriously let it go.
Not every slight must be addressed. Know that not every insult is intended. Practice letting go as much as you can. Bite your tongue until the tip bleeds. And once in a while, remind yourself of why you married this person.
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Focus on those reasons and let stuff pass without mention. The trick to successful silence, however, is that you really let the problem pass. If you stay silent and still harbor bad thoughts, well, that's where ulcers come from. As the Beatles told us, "Let It Be.
Relationships aren't flat-lined; that's death, actually. Life has ups and downs, peaks and valleys. We all go through periods where the mere thought of life without our partners can bring tears to our eyes and then a week later we can't stand the sound of their breathing next to us.
We've all been there. The trick is knowing that you won't stay in either place forever. Truth is, in a marriage, you spend most of your time in an emotional middle ground. It's not songbirds chirping, nor is it considering which poison in his pasta will cause the most painful demise. This middle ground isn't the couple who sit in the restaurant across from one another without conversing.
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Those people have actually flat-lined and just don't know it yet. No, the middle ground is when months meld into years and you know what the reaction will be before you say something. It's when the book you finished last night just migrates automatically to the nightstand on his side and he tells you about the recorded "Modern Family" episode you slept through.
It's the every day ebb and flow without the waves. We tend to take advantage of those we love the most -- probably because we know they love us and we can get away with it. It's the old kick-the-cat syndrome. You have a bad day at the office and come home and take it out on your mate.Dr. Phil’s Secret to a Happy Marriage
A much healthier pattern is to start out each day by asking yourself, "What can I do today to make my partner happy? Doesn't it make more sense to put your best face on for someone you love?
Look for ways to say "yes. That sometimes means sitting through endlessly long ball games, putting on a tie, watching a horror movie with your eyes closed, and traveling around old Civil War battleground sites when you really wanted to be vacationing on a beach in Hawaii.
It's doing things for your partner. Maintain intimacy and passion, both inside and outside the bedroom. Intimacy isn't just sex and passion isn't just doing it on the kitchen counter. Bedroom habits age along with the marriage. There may be no stronger aphrodisiac than a moonlight walk on the beach that ends in a kiss. There may be no greater display of passion than the zeal of a partner in a hospital room trying to get the nurse's attention for an ailing wife. Don't let others define what is a "normal" or "healthy" amount of sex for your marriage.
Know that things change, but that doesn't make them less exciting or fun. And intimacy comes in many shapes, including conversation and cuddling.